Who Is Sexy For?

Article by Andrea Jefferson

Influencer Rubi Rose's viral backless dress photo encouraged social media users to playfully get in the gym. Copyrights to the respective owner.

Whether you're a drag queen earning dollars on stage or a self-proclaimed office siren, being sexy arouses more than just curiosity and admiration. Sometimes, it can stir dangerous obsessions and jealousy. Why do we still make the conscious choice to enter the world or our online spaces just to show off how sexy we are? Is it always for ourselves or is there a deeper meaning? In this article, we'll explore these questions as well as lean into sexiness for personal empowerment and fun.

Who Looks Sexy?

If you've ever heard phrases like "She doesn't have the body for that" or purveyed the TikTok trend where women compare their appearances to the appearances of the former boyfriends/husbands that traumatized them, then you know that body type and facial appearance are still largely perceived as factors for how you should behave, feel, and customize yourself. When Miley Cyrus was ready to age out of the hybrid between a fictionalized version of herself and pop-star character Hannah Montana, she did so by chopping inches off of her hair, going braless, and leaning toward highly sexualized imagery. After all, how else would she prove to the world her Disney days were long behind her? You would think by just....making different music, but image is 80% or more of music marketing. Don't believe me? Before Lizzo's weight loss, the pop-star rapper never shied away from her sex appeal proclaiming herself as a "bad bitch, noncommittal" in hits like "Truth Hurts". What's interesting, however, is that since her weight loss journey, more people are starting to "get it" and recognize what she had always known: that she was fine fine. Lizzo herself notes these changes with lyrics like "I been fat, and I been skinny; bitches still ain't fucking with me."

Is sexiness only preserved for famous musicians, slender women, slim-thick women, and men with the right amount of abs or "dad bod"? Nonbinary and androgynous heartthrobs? Does sexiness have a distinct gender, race, or political affiliation? The answer isn't so simple. Historically in the Western mass media, the same image has circulated for attractiveness: leanness, Whiteness or proximity to, narrow features, long hair or large-but-not-too-large breasts on women. Who can be considered "beautiful" changes based on what's profitable to those that sell the "ideal" image of beauty. Consider the bleaching creams in the African and Asian countries or the BBL influencers here in the United States currently compared to the "heroin chic" beauty ideals in the early 2000s that were influencing people to disordered eating (Konstantinovsky 22). In short, there was never one way to be sexy; however, large companies thrive on selling an ideal that is often unattainable for those wanting to be desired, powerful, or a combination of the two.

Who Feels Sexy?

Feeling sexy isn't a necessity. It doesn't affect your ability to breathe or learn new skills. Unfortunately, however, some people think the only reason they can't get through life more smoothly is because they're not sexy enough. On the flip side, there's a new onslaught of people coming online to confess that being sexy quite literally stifles them from opportunities including job prospects, real friendships, and general peace when dealing with strangers. The rise of "Pretty Privilege" YouTube Channels and TikTok pages suggests a collective emotional turmoil when it comes to being perceived as attractive. I too have had my own struggles in this lane----being bullied by so-called former"friends" or treated poorly by strangers with no real motive to behave coldly toward me. Some women online are even suggesting that you shouldn't go to job interviews glammed up due to the possibility of inciting jealousy within the (typically female/insecure) hiring manager.

Despite these complaints, most of these women are doubling down on looking good or better. Does this mean the downsides of pretty privilege are still better than their alternative: being perceived as unattractive? Does the privilege outweigh the pain? Apparently, because out of the nearly 100,000 influencers on the controversial social app TikTok, it's safe to say a majority are hoping their looks are beneficial to gaining them endorsements, fame, and money. While this can be done without being "conventionally attractive", it's obviously beneficial to look the part. While likes and comments can gas someone's self-esteem, undoubtedly that attention may exist in real life first in order to have the guts to get online to begin with.

The abundant thirst traps online paint a different view: that maybe those who don't get attention offline get to show their exes, coworkers, and crushes what they're really made of. With the captions relaying a "What you're missing" point on many posts like that, it's plainly obvious people view their sex appeal as a valuable source of confidence, revenge, and superiority. All shapes, sizes, and races of people participate in this online behavior, and with sites like OnlyFans housing a whopping 4.1 million creators, there's no apparent shortage of people willing to use sexual attention to create better lives for themselves. It's safe to say not every person that gets sexy for online attention aims to monetize it, however, but the question still stands. If sexy truly is the inconvenience we're painting it to be, why wouldn't the goal be to get some coin? Is sexiness worth more than money itself?

Who is Sexy For?

If it's for large corporations that do pay out, then it's obvious who sexy is for. When it's the girl you went to college with or a long-time frenemy you can't avoid lurking on, then the answer isn't quite as clear. As we talked about in the previous paragraph, sex appeal can be seen as a form of revenge, but I believe it can also be used as a shortcut for long-term growth. It's easier to post a selfie feeling superior to whoever it's aimed to make uneasy than it is to do five months of consistent shadow work. It's easier to buy a bodycon dress and flaunt yourself as "body goals" than it is to get your finances in order: both shadow work and financial freedom are more imperative forms of revenge, however they require more effort, time, and are not as tangible as a hot selfie. So who is sexy for? If it's for yourself, isn't it just as sexy to understand your triggers and coping mechanisms or having an adequate savings account to eventually buy yourself something you like?

Is sexiness a form of power---or a prison we decorate with filters? Physical appeal can be empowering like admiring your own body at the gym, finding an effective skincare routine, or monetizing your appearance to create a better life for yourself and loved ones. It still doesn't beat the work it takes to become someone that knows they inherently have worth regardless of how they look. While this work isn't as obvious or easy to flex on haters, the peace of your life comes from realizing you don't have to flex on anyone. Their unhappiness up against yours is a brutal match-up. Yes, you need to look your best; but you also need to feel your best.

Works Cited

Michelle Konstantinovsky September 29, 2022"If You Survived the Early 2000s Without Body Issues, Congratulations https://www.glamour.com/story/if-you-survived-the-early-2000s-without-body-issues-congratulations  Glamour Magazine

Andrea Jefferson is an author, blogger, and entrepreneur from the South. She attended the Mississippi School of the Arts where she won national writing accolades and has been a fiction and poetry contributor in various literary magazines including High Shelf Press, Literary Orphans Journal, and Bridge: Bluffton University's Literary Journal. In 2019, she was nominated for a Best of the Net Award and later served as an editor-at-large for Trampset Magazine who gave her the nomination. Her poetry book, "Stray Curls and Dirty Laundry" (released in 2018) is available to read on Amazon.